Friday, 18 May 2012


The aliens are back!  The Red Dust doesn't work (scientists!  Bah... you just can't trust them!).  What to do?  Sit down... switch on the TV... and have a drink (or other suitable consumable... Turkey Twizzlers are not recommended).  

V: THE SERIES* might not be very good (shame on Slow-Robot!) but it is jolly good fun.  And what could be more fun than V: THE DRINKING GAME?  Nothing we can think of.

So let our exclusive on-going episode guide be YOUR guide... and get drinking (not twizzling)...

V Drinking Game
1 Drink
-       They reuse the Skyfighter combat sequence from the first mini-series.
-       Donnovan is called 'Gooder'. Take another drink if he is called it by anyone other than Tyler.
-       Diana and Lydia do something a bit camp.
-       Diana or another Visitor eats something that isn't dead. Take an extra drink if it looks fake.
-       The Leader is mentioned.
-       Oswald says or does something that reminds you of THE BIRDCAGE.
-       Visitor troops use their budget-saving 'stun sticks' rather then their rifles.
-       Someone gives the two-finger 'V' salute.
-       Diana, Pamala and/ or Lydia pouts.
-       The Resistance is able to infultrate a Visitor facility with very little effort.
-       The Visitors use bog-standard Earth transport (IE bikes, laser jeeps, limos, vans etc.) rather than far more flexible (not to mention safer) Skyfighters or transport craft.
-       That piece of stock footage of the Visitor transport entering the docking bay is reused. Take an extra drink if the cast are then seen climbing out of a Skyfighter.
-       A Visitor is disguised as a human for covert infiltration shenanigans.
-       A human (other than Bates) sells out their own kind to the Visitors.
-       Willie does or says something 'oh so amusing'
-       Someone goes into the Mothership ducting.
-       The Visitors deliberately allow members of the Resistance to escape.
-       A new Visitor super weapon is revealed. Take an extra drink if it is never mentioned or used again after it's first unsuccessful appearance despite being a basicly good idea.
-       Any Visitor talks about eating humans.
-   There's a burning car in the scene.
-       The Visitors allow the Resistance to escape when they could finish them off once-and-for-all.
-       A pointless and cheap filler scene appears for no reason, such as a demonstration sword fight.
-       Sean Donnovan turns up.
-       Diana does some scheming and plotting.
-       A Visitor propaganda poster appears in shot. Take a second drink if it has been defaced.
-       A 'V' is spray-painted on a wall or other surface. Take an extra drink if you see someone do it.
-       You, the viewer, wonder why the Visitor leadership is based on the Los Angeles Mothership rather than Washington DC, Moscow, Berlin, London etc.
-       The Visitors speak in English even when only talking amongst themselves. THIS ONE IS DANGEROUS.  DRINK RESPONSIBLY!
-       A key member of the cast stumbles across an event on the Mothership when they just happen to be walking down the right corridor at the right moment.
-       Someone walks into someone elses quarters on the Mothership unannounced.
-       Someone in the Resistance has a stupid idea ("I know, why dont the two most wanted members of the Resistance search a massive space craft for a small computer disk") and no one thinks to question it.
-       A previously unknown or unseen member of the Resistance goes on a mission. Take an extra drink if they die soon after.
-       Visitor troops in white uniform appear.
-       You think you are watching an episode of THE A-TEAM.
-       You think you are watching an episode of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD.
-       You think you are watching an episode of DYNASTY.

2 Drinks
-       A Visitor fires a their laser gun (and you see as well as hear it) in the weekly series.
-       The launch bay is redressed as another part of the Mothership.
-       A member of the Visitor Fifth Coloum appears.
-       Elizabeth uses her rip-off Jedi 'special powers' to get the Resistance and the writers out of a tight spot.
-       A new, recurring, Visitor character appears for the first time.
-       A stock shot of the landing bay appears. Take an extra drink if it is out-of-context.
-       Donnovan does some macho posturing and the audience laughs (see especialy the final moments of the episode Breakout).
-       Either the Warner Brothers city street or town square backlot sets are used. Take an extra drink if you see the house from ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK in the background.
-       Elizabeth, Robin and Kyle do that weird love-triange thing.
-       A Visitor appears without his or her mask.  Take an extra drink if they are on Earth at the time.
-       A Visitor's human mask suddenly looks very unconvincing.
-       A Visitor walks around in daylight without their sun glasses.
-       Members of the Resistance dress up like Visitors.
-       Lydia appears in her uniform with the silly 'Flash Gordon' shoulder attachments.
-       Diana appears in her white uniform.
-       The Red Dust is mentioned after the first few episodes.
-       Something explodes but doesn't realy! It's all an editing illusion and the magic of television!
-       An existing actor appears as another character.
-       The Visitor golf cart appears on the landing bay set.
-       Diana kills one of her own people as punishment for getting something wrong.
-       A Visitor plan is sabotaged by Diana and Lydia fighting amongst themselves.
-       Visitor guards prove to have very bad eyesight (maybe it is the dark glasses and visors) and miss the Resistance sneaking around.
-       The Club is searched by the Visitors.
-       Donovan remembers his son Sean is a Visitor 'prisoner'.
-       'Stealing the water' is still part of the Visitor's mission after the first mini-series.
-       The Visitors cook up a plan to destroy the Earth when their mission is to capture it and it's resources.
-       The Resistance allows a Visitor leader to get clean away!
-       The 'dark' corridors onboard the Mothership are seen after the second mini-series.
-       An ex-love of one of the regular characters turns up unexpectedly.
-       Something very useful like a gun, bomb, remore control device is tucked into a Visitor tunic.
-       Visitors come and go from the Homeworld as through it was the next neighbourhood.
-       The Conversion Chamber is used.
-       Bates tries to seduce Julie.
-       Bates and Diana argue over control of LA.
-       Visitor troops appear with bog-standard motor cycle helmets rather than their usual head gear.
-       A Visitor recognises Elizabeth as the Starchild.
-       Visitor troops are disguised as the Resistance.
-       An unlikely number of people are seen emerging from a very small Skyfighter. Is it bigger on the inside?
-       That trendy stone furniture (chairs, table, jacuzzi etc) are spotted somewhere on the Mothership. Bonus drink if the walls match for that total interior look.
-       The Mothership interior looks more like the local garden centre.
-       The Mothership doors with the red inlay are spotted on any set.
-       Someone arrives from the Homeworld.
-       A member of the cast has make-up like KISS.
-       A crap Visitor Skyfighter pilot manages to crash into something.
-       You spot the fat Visitor trooper in the background during V: The Final Battle.
-   One of the Visitors use the high-tech Mothership cordless phone.
-   The Freedom Network is mentioned outside the News Bulletin sequences.
-   Someone makes a racist anti-lizard comment aimed at Willie.
-   A bit of well-oiled alien beefcake appears for no obvious reason.  
-   OMG! It's Sybil Danning!
-   You spot a credit for "science fiction advisor". 
-   You find yourself thinking "the DC comics were better".
-   Any one (including the lizard baby) from the mini-series returns for the weekly series (not counting series regulars... put the drink down...).
-   Julie has an inexplicable injury... or just nothing to do.
-   Science Frontiers security guards are ineffectual. 
-   Mr Chang does some scheming.
-       You think you can see Julie's snatch during the conversion chamber sequence. It's only shadow!

3 Drinks
-       Members of the Resistance manage to sneak onto the Mothership with no-one noticing!
-       The writers seem to forget just how large the Mothership is.
-       The Visitor language is spoken.
-       The Leader appears.
-       Some amazingly cheap new piece of Visitor technology appears (IE a bog-standard lightning globe or a PC keyboard with the Visitor alphabet stuck on) for the first time.
-       Visitor troops shout 'stop or we'll fire', wait until the last possible moment, open fire and miss by a mile!
-       The Resistance actualy use one of the Visitor weapons or Skyfighters that they capture on a regular basis and then somehow loose or forget they own.
-       Any member of the cast appears topless.
-       Another part of the United States is mentioned in any part of the programme other than the Freedom Network segments.  Drink again if thigs are described as “tough”, “bad” etc. Take an extra drink if it is somewhere outside the United States.
-       The whole mask thing becomes a plot point. Take an extra drink if it is stupid or improbable.
-       A regular character dies or leaves the series. Take an extra drink if you know they will be back in a later episode.
-       A new example of Visitor tradition or culture appears. Take extra drinks if it seems unlikely or improbable.
-       Stock footage from another film or television programme is used.
-       Someone sits on the console in the commend centre and breaks it.
-       Robin falls in love… 'cept it's realy a crafty (and randy) Visitor…. Again!
-       The Visitor's above average strength and venom-spitting abilities are demonstrated after the first mini-series.
-       Something silly happens in conection with the Visitors (IE Diana's eyes briefly turning reptilian in Liberation Day).
-       The Visitor's rotery washing line is spotted.
-       Despite the fact that the Mothership has a crew of thousands, only a few troops are used in any sort of security alert.
-       Diana gets pissed and tries to blow up the Mothership for some reason.
-       The Resistance try and hide a captured Mothership!
-       A Visitor Skyfighter 'set' is realy blown up!
-       The Mothership fires her weapons.
-   Something defies all known laws of science... or common sense.
-   Nathan Bates looks like Max Headroom.
-   Kyle mentions his dad after he dies.
-       Sloppy script-editing results in someone calling a Skyfighter a 'Starfighter'.

Special Diana's Sex-Life Section
Take one drink if: Diana attempts to seduce a Visitor male.
Take two drinks if: Diana attempts to seduce a human male.
Take three drinks if: Diana attempts to seduce any female. 

* The 1984-85 Camporama incarnation... not the dull recent rehash.

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